China Acquires Magnetic North Pole

President Bush today announced that the US was giving the Magnetic North
Pole to China for "more economically efficient development," relying on the
Supreme Court's recent decision in Kelo v. New London. This decision allows
the government to seize the property of citizens "for the public good" in
order to generate more tax dollars. While Bush noted that the Magnetic North
Pole is technically the property of Canada, the property rights of
"foreigners in foreign countries have even less protection than that of US
citizens" under the Constitution, so if its OK to give a US citizen's land
to Wal-Mart, it's even better to given Canadian land to China. China is
expected to donate several billion dollars to the Republican Party in
exchange, and to pay taxes on any new missile installations or other
businesses to be installed there. Several thousand square miles of
potentially oil-rich Arctic regions are also rumored to be part of the deal.

President Bush noted that funds from the sale of the north pole will help
the war on terror by going straight to Republic Party coffers, and urged the
Canadian government not to stand in the way of fighting terrorism.

Several mapmakers objected to the sale in the grounds that maps will need to
be redrawn to make all arrows point toward China. They are currently being
investigated by Homeland Security.

links: digg this    del.icio.us    technorati    reddit