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I Hereby Declare Myself an African Dictator: Can I Get Debt Relief, Too?

posted Tuesday, 14 June 2005
Using his expanded "Congressional-free" privileges, unimpeded by archaic balance of powers concepts, President George W. Bush wiped out $40 billionĀ  of debt owed by African dictatorships to gullible Western taxpayers. "This is really going to help me establish more democracy in my presidency-for-life," a grateful Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe said, taking a brief break from obliterating suspected enemies in his republic.

I'm touched by President Bush's generosity with the taxpayer's money. Giving money to needy dictators is a touching gesture, especially given the high price of weapons these days. It's getting harder and harder for a dictator to make ends meet.

Dear President Bush, for your information, I, too, am an African dictator. I have a small banana republic in the middle of an oppressive white neighborhood in Appleton, Wisconsin, and desperately need debt forgiveness if I am going to advance the cause of peace and armed struggle. Plus I need a new car. Will you please treat me as you have treated my fellow dictators in Africa and forgive my debt, too? I'll send in my mortgage and credit card bills as soon as you give me the thumbs up. On behalf of the oppressed dictator class, I thank you.

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