Got Mulch? Hillary Advocates Nationalized Lawn Care

National Lawn Care Now!, a grass-roots organization with the green agenda of providing nationalized lawn care for all Americans, now claims that it has Hillary Clinton's support. One of their recent campaign posters features Hillary, as pictured on the far left. Conservative critics charge that NLCN! has ties to terrorists such Sod-dam Hussein and Osama Bin Lawn-den, but NLCN! leaders deny the charges and have called for a jihad to mow down such infidels.

Those close to Hillary indicate that she sees national lawn care as a much bigger issue than socialized health care, now that the Republicans are taking over that turf. But they have overlooked green justice and the redistribution of lawns, offering Democrats an important opportunity to differ from Republicans.

In a speech allegedly given to close friends at a ground-breaking ceremony for a new lawn at one of Hillary's private residences, she said:

"Millions of women, children, minorities, undocumented Americans and prospective undocumented Americans have been denied access to fair and equal lawns, often living in apartments that don't even have lawns for their families. while rich Republican males have vast right-wing lawns. This destroys self-esteem for women and minorities, hurts the environment, and creates social injustice. We must fix that. The American people want me to fix that in my upcoming role as President - I mean, Vice President."

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