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Humor & Satire
IRS Denies Charges of Abuse, Claims No Audits Performed at Guantanamo
Friday, 22 December 2006 8:06 A GMT-06
IRS officials denied allegations from human rights activists who claim that over 40 top IRS tax auditors were sent to Guantanamo Bay to "interrogate" prisoners. IRS spokesman Max Paine said, "Sure, we had an office party as a perk for
Political Math: The Old New Math
Wednesday, 6 December 2006 7:30 A GMT-06
It's time for schools to make their mathematics instruction more relevant and oriented to the real world. And the best way to do that is to teach the original new math, "Political Math." Here's a sample Political Math problem:Q. Las
Cheney Apologizes to Canada for Accidental Missile Launch
Tuesday, 14 February 2006 6:40 A GMT-06
Vice President Dick Cheney apologized to America's northern ally today for the unintentional deployment of a nuclear missile against Montreal. "It was entirely accidental," Cheney assured nervous Canadian survivors as they huddled in
Bush's Accountant to Replace Alan Greenspan?
Wednesday, 12 October 2005 8:45 P GMT-06
White House sources today leaked information indicating that Jerry Kleinkopf, the CPA who has served as President Bush's tax accountant for the past 10 years, will be named to replace Alan Greenspan as Chair of the Federeal Reserve Bank when Greenspa
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Bush Family Maid Named Secretary of Interior
Monday, 10 October 2005 10:32 P GMT-06
Maggie Turner, the housekeeper and maid of the George Bush family for many years, has just been named as the new Secretary of the Interior, replacing former Secretary Gale Norton who, according to White House officials, "just didn't have the kin
Weather Channel Sues Networks
Wednesday, 21 September 2005 8:26 P GMT-06
The Weather Channel today filed lawsuits against ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox TV for illegal copying of the Weather Channel's look and feel. Since the former news networks have dropped coverage of all events other than weather, many viewers are confused,
Too Early for Americans to Withdraw from New Orleans, America's Iraq
Friday, 2 September 2005 9:32 P GMT-06
Today President Bush insisted that it's too early for Americans to withdraw from New Orleans. "Like Iraq, we must stay and rebuild until stability is achieved. And to show the world we mean business, we'll make it 50 feet lower than before - tha
US Military Operations to Be Outsourced to China?
Saturday, 30 July 2005 8:23 A GMT-06
In a move aimed at bringing defense spending under control and making America's military more cost effective than ever, President Bush announced today that most US military bases and other defensive operations will be outsourced to China. "Ou
China Acquires Magnetic North Pole
Monday, 11 July 2005 10:24 A GMT-06
President Bush today announced that the US was giving the Magnetic NorthPole to China for "more economically efficient development," relying on theSupreme Court's recent decision in Kelo v. New London. This decision allowsthe government to
I Hereby Declare Myself an African Dictator: Can I Get Debt Relief, Too?
Tuesday, 14 June 2005 6:20 P GMT-06
Bush is giving $40 billion of debt relief to prop up the dictators of Africa - now what about me?
Michael Jackson Thanks the Jury
Tuesday, 14 June 2005 6:10 P GMT-06
With tears in his eyes, a vindicated Michael Jackson expressed his thanks today to the jury that set him free. "I want to share my love with all of you - and with your children under the age of 12. They are welcome to share my bed anytime - an
Sentencing of Jackson: The Most Likely Penalty...
Thursday, 9 June 2005 6:08 P GMT-06
The smart money says that the jury will find Michael Jackson guilty of many of the charges against him. What could this mean for his fate? If Jackson is found guilty of all the revolting charges against him, he could face a sentence of up to 25 year
Helping Criminals and Enemies: When Does It Become Treason?
Monday, 30 May 2005 6:45 A GMT-06
The Federal Government of the US is so "nice" that it loves helping everybody, including criminals. Take the example of convicted sex offenders. We know what these people like, so what could be nicer than giving them Viagra? In Florida, for
Rioting over Saddam in Underwear
Saturday, 21 May 2005 10:28 A GMT-06
We're all in shock over the release of photos of Saddam Hussein in his underware. Clearly, being forced to wear Fruit of the Loom instead of stylish boxers is a violation of the Geneva Convention. But why, I wonder, do we think that thousands of peop
A Final Solution to the Gang Problem
Saturday, 16 April 2005 11:19 A GMT-06
Here's my idea on how to solve the gang problem:Step 1. Bribe gang leaders to include Bible study or statements of belief in God and morality as part of their gang's practices. They don't need to convert to anything, just add some superficial aspect
The American Way: Helping the Underdog in the War Against Terror
Monday, 11 April 2005 5:29 P GMT-06
America has always prouded itself on playing fair and helping the underdog. This grand tradition will be extended to the US war on terror, where the outgunned terrorists are underdogs desperately in need of American generosity. President Bush's $350
Planned Unparenthood Opens New Michael Schiavo Clinic for Removal of Unwanted Spouses
Saturday, 9 April 2005 7:59 P GMT-06
Planned Unparenthood, the cutting edge organization for social justice through retroactive abortion, has now expanded its options in the fight for choice. Today they announced the opening of the new Michael Schiavo Clinic for Removal of Unwanted Spou
Miraculous Motion from the Pope
Monday, 4 April 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
THE VATICAN - The Italian newspapers are calling it a divine miracle, while others are still searching for a natural explanation for an unusual phenomenon that occurred today involving strange movement from the body of deceased Pope John Paul II. The
Dealing with Bandwidth Thieves: A Useful Prank
Monday, 14 March 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
(Originally posted at Mormanity.) I have a lot of photos and other graphics on my Website, JeffLindsay.com, that occasionally are stolen by others. Copying my images illegally is bad enough, but what really irks me is when people steal my bandwidth a
Location for Iraq's Secret Election Revealed: AUSTRALIA!
Thursday, 27 January 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
Literally dozens of Shiite Iraqis have patiently waited for weeks to learn where they can go to cast ballots for secret candidates in Iraq's secret election. Today the surprise location was announced: Australia. Rather than taking place on Sund
Danger in San Francisco's Chinatown
Saturday, 22 January 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
I photographed this sign on a wall in San Francisco's Chinatown:This is actually very good advice. If your kids are playing and jumping in, say, an Iraqi minefield, it is a wise warning indeed. Take note!
So How Do Trials Work in Canada?
Saturday, 22 January 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
The headline for a story in today's Toronto Star raises interesting questions about the Canadian legal system. While the story is actually about a US case, the real issue is why at least some Canadians would consider this to be news: "Past could
White House: Iraqi WMDs "Fake But Accurate"
Thursday, 13 January 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
The search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction has now ended, yielding nothing to support the reasons initially given by the White House for the invasion. But President Bush assures us that the invasion was essential, that it was justified, and tha
Tasteless Ebay Ads on Google: Orphans for Sale - and Much More!
Sunday, 9 January 2005 11:59 P GMT-06
An entry at J-Walk Blog notes that a search for "tsunami orphans" on the UK Google (google.co.uk) returns an ad from Ebay.co.uk offering "Orphans for Sale!" (original credit goes to Ben's Thought Crimes). I found an even more rev
Exercising a Man's Right to Choose: Scott Peterson Defended by Planned Unparenthood
Friday, 12 November 2004 11:59 P GMT-06
"Scott Peterson was only defending a man's right to choose" according to Tamber Lane, Public Outreach Officer (POO) for Planned Unparenthood. Referring to today's conviction of Scott Peterson for the deaths of Laci and what right-wing activ