My RSS Feeds
Inspired by Rumsfeld's Apology, O.J. Simpson Takes Full Responsibility for Nicole's Murder
O.J. Simpson, like most loyal Americans, was deeply inspired by Donald Rumsfeld's bold apology for the crimes at Abu Ghraib prison. Following Rumsfeld's courageous example, O.J. held a press conference today and offered the following statement:
"Members of the press, friends, law officials, and citizens of this great country, it is with great pain that I stand before you today. I want you to know, I am accountable, I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman. I offer my deepest apology. There is no question that mistakes were made. What happened, in fact, was ugly and un-American. We are all stained by what happened. Our honor is tarnished. I feel terrible about what happened to Nicole and Ron. They were human beings. Again, I offer my deepest apologies and sincerely insist on taking full and complete responsibility. Well, that should take care of things. Thank you for your understanding, and to Mr. Rumsfeld, thank you for giving me the courage to stand tall this day."
When asked by law enforcement officials if this meant that he was actually going to confess and serve prison time for his crimes, Simpson said, "Needless to say, I'd go to prison in a minute if I felt I could not be effective where I am. But honestly, I think I am much more effective living free and wealthy than behind bars, don't you?"